The LWord
by Finnocenceisbliss
Summary: Finn has trouble with being fully committed to Quinn when his feelings for Rachel won't go away. Takes place before Sectionals but after Wheels. Finchel with a little bit of Quick.
1. Chapter 1

"I love you," Quinn smiled as the words escaped her lips.

_Damn it. _Finn cursed silently. He hated it when she put him on the spot like that. Quinn's left eyebrow raised in anticipation for his response. _Just say it, _he thought, _they're just words. _"I'll see you later," he kissed her on the cheek. As he pulled away, he saw her face fall.

She nodded solemnly. "Later, Finn," she said in monotone, before turning away and walking off.

Finn threw his books in his locker and resisted the urge to kick something. He hated hurting Quinn, he really did. What sucked was that he felt like he had been hurting her a lot lately. He quit his job because it was such a pain in the ass to have to go to work every day in a wheelchair. So with no steady income, the medical bills, maternity clothes, and everything else involving baby-gate were getting nearly impossible to pay for. Not to mention, he was the one who knocked her up in the first place. After all he had put her through, why couldn't he just say those three little words?

"Good afternoon, Finn."

_That's why._ He closed his locker to see Rachel Berry standing there, beaming. He couldn't help but smile himself. "Hey Rach, what's up?"

Rachel instantly began to ramble on about her day as they started to walk down the hallway. Finn's thoughts were elsewhere, until he heard her suddenly stop.

Finn looked down at Rachel, expecting her to be angry because she realized he was zoning out. Instead, her face was scrunched up in concern. "Go on," he urged.

Rachel came to a halt and grabbed his arm, stopping him as well. "What's wrong?" She asked Finn, who was avoiding her intent gaze.

"Nothing," he lied. "W-we have to get to class," he stuttered, still not making eye contact. The hallways started to empty as the warning bell rang. Rachel rolled her eyes, grabbed Finn's arm, and walked toward the stairway across the hall. She sat down on the first step, placed her bag by her side, and waited for him to join her. With a sigh he clumsily plopped himself down next to her. "Rachel Berry, late to class? That's a new one."

Rachel ignored his jab. "What's wrong?" She asked again.

"It's really nothing, Rach. Quinn's just mad at me." Finn downplayed the situation, wanting badly to avoid the awkward conversation that seemed kind of inevitable. As the tardy bell rang, Rachel raised her eyebrows waiting for the rest of the story. Finn looked away and went on, "She's mad because I won't say the l-word." He glanced back at Rachel to gauge her reaction.

Rachel nodded slowly. "Well, do you?"

"Do I what?"

Rachel looked down at her feet then back at Finn. "Do you love her?" She asked quietly.

Finn didn't know what to say. There was part of him that wanted to say yes. He was crazy about Quinn. She was having his baby. Every time he saw Quinn he thought about that precious little girl, _his daughter. _How could he _not _love Quinn? But then there was a part of him that just couldn't stop thinking about Rachel. And that happened to be a very dominant part. "I don't know," He finally said.

Rachel said nothing. They sat in silence.

"Well," Finn said lightheartedly, trying to lighten the mood, "I guess you aren't the best person to go to for advice about this. You're in love with someone new every week."

Rachel's mouth dropped open in shock. "Finn Hudson, I am appalled at that accusation!" She tried to act angry, but Finn could see her holding back a smile.

"Come on, Rach." Finn nudged her with his elbow. "There was Puck, Mr. Schue," he ignored her glare as he mentioned the second one. He knew that if he valued his life then he wasn't allowed to mention that. He looked her in the eyes, and continued, "And, you sometimes seem kind of into me."

All lightheartedness was gone as a blush crept up her cheeks. _Maybe I shouldn't have brought that last one up, _he thought, feeling stupid as always.

Rachel stared at her hands, twisting the small ring on her pinky finger around a few times. "I wasn't in love with Puck. All he wanted to do was make out and . . " She trailed off.

Finn stiffened at the idea of Rachel and Puck together. He heard the way Puck talked about girls in the locker room, and he hated the idea of Rachel being another one of those girls.

"And Mr. Schuester," She laughed a little, "I just thought the idea of forbidden love seemed . . I don't know. Romantic, I guess." She shook her head. "It was stupid."

"And what about me?" Finn blurted out.

Rachel looked up from her hands and into his eyes. "You? Finn, you're with Quinn. And it's not like you ever wanted anything to do with me. My . . crush on you was just a temporary lapse in judgement." She looked away. "It was a mistake."

Finn stared at her, dumbfounded. "Rach . . " He couldn't think of what to say.

Rachel shook her head, and stood up quickly. As she grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder, she opened her mouth as if she were about to say something, and then closed it. Finn watched in silence as she turned on her heels and walked away quickly.

Rachel's words rang in Finn's head. He pinched the bridge of his nose. How she had gotten the idea that he never wanted anything to do with her, he didn't know. What a temporary lapse in judgement was, he _really_ didn't know. But what he did know, was that Rachel had moved on, and the fact that it broke his heart, made him the worst boyfriend in the world.


	2. Chapter 2

Puck sat down against the wall and pulled the beer he stole from his fridge out of his book bag. He didn't feel like going to his sixth period English class, so he decided to sit outside by the back of the building and drink. As if it would make him feel less pathetic. He opened the can of beer and took a long swig.

Puck felt as though he had hit rock bottom. Every second that he was in glee club he was becoming less of a stud. He hadn't even gotten laid at all this week. And what scared him the most was that his reputation being in the damn toilet or him not getting any action wasn't even what was really bothering him. It was the fact that a certain blonde cheerleader that happened to be his baby mama wasn't giving him the time of day.

He felt his phone vibrate in is pocket. His heart sped up a little bit as he set the beer can down and pulled his phone out of his pocket. "One new message from Santana Lopez." Annoyed, he threw his phone onto the grass, realizing that there was only one person he wanted that text to be from.

_What the hell is wrong with you? _He thought, chugging half of his beer. _Quinn is with Finn. Your best friend. It's bad enough that you got his girl pregnant, now you have to steal her from him. _He laughed out loud at his own stupidity, not even caring that if anyone saw him they would think he was insane. _Steal him from her? _As if she wanted Puck, a Lima Loser who took advantage of her and knocked her up.

As he finished his beer, he crumpled the can and threw it on the grass next to his phone. He was right. Drinking really _didn't_ make him feel any less pathetic. In fact, it made him feel ten times more pathetic than he already did. Noah Puckerman had finally hit rock bottom.

"So the answer for number two would be 17, right?" Finn asked, his brow crinkling in concentration.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Close, it's 42."

"Oh," he mumbled, checking over his work.

They were sitting on Quinn's bed in Finn's guest room. Quinn had been staying at the Hudson's house since she was kicked out of hers a few weeks ago. Their after school homework sessions were almost starting to feel routine.

"Yeah, uhm," Finn looked up at Quinn from his math homework, "I don't get it."

Quinn smiled. Sometimes Finn was just too adorable for his own good. She grabbed the binder from his lap and set it on the floor, dropping her own school supplies beside it. She scooted closer to Finn and kissed him softly on the lips. He placed one of his hands on her neck, and the other on the small of her back as he kissed her back.

She felt like her stomach was doing backflips. She couldn't believe that after all this time, kissing Puck still gave her butterflies in her stomach.

Quinn pulled away quickly._ Hold up. _She thought. _Puck? Did I just imagine I was kissing Puck? _She sighed quietly. Of course she imagined she was kissing Puck. She would never admit this out loud, but the only reason she was even pushing the "I love you" thing with Finn was because she was in denial of her feelings for Puck. She felt like an idiot.

Finn interrupted her frenzied thoughts. "Q, can I talk to you about something?" He asked quietly.

Quinn bit her lip, slightly nervous. "What is it, Finn?"

Finn looked down, and then back up at her. "Look, I know you're not crazy about me and Rachel's relationship."

Quinn stiffened at the mention of Rachel's name. "RuPaul's in love with you. What about it?"

Finn looked as if he were about to defend Rachel, but he let it go. "Well, I just wanted to let you know that we talked today, and you have nothing to worry about."

"Why is that?" Quinn asked, pursing her lips.

"Because, she's moved on, I guess. I don't know."

Quinn crossed her arms. She could see that Rachel "moving on" upset Finn, and it pissed her off. "Awesome," she said sourly. "So you're totally over her, too, right?"

"Quinn . . "

Quinn huffed when Finn couldn't immediately answer her question. Finn went on anyways, "Quinn . . I love you."

Her breathed hitched. Finn smiled his crooked smile, obviously feeling proud of himself. Quinn was at a loss for words. "What?" She finally managed to choke out.

Finn's eyes narrowed. "Isn't . . isn't that what you wanted?"

Was it? Was it what she wanted. She thought it was. But as those three little words spilled out of Finn's mouth, she wasn't sure what the hell she wanted. She felt her eyes began to water.

Honestly, his "I love you" was only making her feel like crap. She couldn't stop thinking about how a minute ago she had been thinking about Puck while she kissed Finn. Which made her think of the time that she actually did kiss Puck. The night that her baby was conceived . .

She stopped herself before her thoughts wandered any further. "Yes," she said, trying her best to force a smile. "Of course it's what I want."

Finn nodded and smiled back. "Cool. Because, I do love you. I mean, we've dated for almost a year, you're the mother of my chi - "

"Stop," Quinn ordered, closing her eyes. She couldn't do this to him, she just couldn't. Maybe they weren't in love, but she did care about Finn. She cared about him enough to not want to hurt him. As she opened her eyes, the tears she was holding back began to stream down her cheeks. She could see the concern in Finn's face, but didn't make an effort to stop crying. She felt like an awful person. She couldn't let Finn fall in love with her based on a lie.

She had to tell him that Puck was the father.

"Finn," Quinn said quietly, placing one hand on her stomach. "I need to tell you something."

_Note from the author._

Thanks for reading! I know . . unfortunately this chapter was seriously lacking some good ol' Rachel Berry. But you got a taste of the Quick you've been asking for! And Rachel will be back next chapter, of course. Thanks again. Review away :)

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	3. Chapter 3

"What the hell?" Finn yelled, his face turning red with anger.

Tears were streaming down Quinn's cheeks. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed. She stood up and slowly walked over to Finn. She reached out to touch his arm, but he jerked it away.

"I knew that hot tub stuff was bullshit. God, I'm so stupid." He turned away from Quinn and kicked the wall.

"You're not stupid, Finn. It was my fault for making it up." She kept a distance. Finn scared her when he was angry.

Finn turned around, pointing an accusing finger. "Of course it was your fault! You had sex with my best friend, for God's sake!" He was fuming.

Quinn began to cry even harder. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, not knowing what else to say. She walked over to the closet and pulled out her suitcase, placing it on the bed.

Finn watched as she began to throw clothes from the dresser into the suitcase. "What the hell are you doing?" He asked.

"Don't you want me to leave?" She looked down, her voice trembling. "God knows I deserve it."

_ Yes._ Finn wanted to scream. _Get out. Go move in with your real father of your child._

"No," he muttered instead, "I'm not going to kick you out." If he left Quinn with no place to live he would be no better than her asshole of a father. "But we're over, Quinn."

Without another word he stalked out of the room, grabbed the car keys off of the coffee table, and headed for the front door. Quinn ran after him. "Finn, where are you going?" She stopped a few feet behind him and tried to dry her tears with the back of her hand.

Finn stopped as he put his hand on the doorknob. He turned back around, staring blank-faced at Quinn for an immeasurably long moment. "I don't know."

* * *

He wasn't lying to Quinn. Finn really _didn't_ know where he was going. He just got in his mom's car and started driving. Words couldn't describe how angry he was. How could Quinn do that to him? She wouldn't even let him get to second base and she slept with Puck? He slammed his fist on the steering wheel.

And what about Puck? Isn't the number one rule in the guy code that you _don't_ have sex with your best friend's girl? Just the thought of Puck made him want to kick the crap out of something. Or someone. Preferably someone with a lame ass mohawk.

Taking a left turn, he suddenly realized exactly where he was going. Where he been subconsciously heading the entire time. For some reason, he was driving to the Berry residence. Finn felt somewhat better knowing he would see Rachel soon. The thought alone even almost made him smile. Almost.

* * *

Finn knocked on Rachel's door three times. The seconds dragged on as he waited for someone to answer. _This is stupid. _He thought. _Why am I just dropping by unannounced? What if she isn't h - _

"Uh, who is it?" He heard from inside, interrupting his thoughts.

"It's me, Rach. I really need to talk to you."

The door cracked open, and Rachel poked her head out. Her hair was soaking wet. "What are you doing here?" She paused and scrutinized his face. "Finn, are . . . are you okay?"

"Yeah," he lied. "Can . . can I come in?"

Rachel bit her lip. "Uhm, maybe that's not such a good idea."

"Please," he begged, embarrassed at his own vulnerability.

She nodded slowly, and opened the door fully to let Finn inside.

"Holy shit," Finn muttered to himself as soon as Rachel shut the door behind him. She was wearing nothing, absolutely nothing but a towel wrapped around her small frame. A blush crept up her cheeks as she sheepishly clung onto the towel for dear life. Finn's thoughts were far from coherent.

She motioned for him to follow her as she walked towards the couch, still clutching the towel around her body. "I . . uhm, sorry." She stumbled on her words as she sat down, "My dads weren't home, otherwise, I would have had them answer the door. And I, uhm, just got out of the shower."

_ Damn it. _Finn shook his head to clear the vivid mental images Rachel had just given him. _Think of the mailman. Think of the mailman. _He sat down next to her, keeping a slight distance.

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Rachel asked, folding her hands in her lap. He figured that her towel would fall the second she moved her hands, but it was tucked in place under her arm.

He didn't realize she had just asked him a question until he noticed that she was sitting there waiting for a response. "Huh?" He asked, feeling like an idiot. He thoughts were just . . elsewhere.

"What's wrong?" She repeated sternly.

"Oh." He had actually started to forget about Quinn and Puck, at least for a little while. Coming to Rachel's house actually was a good idea. It was a nice distraction. Finn felt a sharp pain in his chest as he tried to retell the story. "Quinn's baby . . " He paused.

Rachel's eyes widened. "Is it okay?"

"Yeah, the baby's fine. It's just . . not mine."

Rachel inhaled sharply. "What?" She thought for a moment. "Whose?" She whispered, barely audible.

Finn scowled. "Puck. Puck's the dad."

"Finn . . I'm so sorry." Rachel scooted closer and placed her hand on his knee. He looked down at her, and tried his very best to hold back the tears that were starting to surface. "I'm so sorry." She repeated, even quieter.

A single tear fell down Finn's cheek. Rachel took her hand of of his knee and wiped the tear away. He looked into her eyes intensely. Without thinking twice, he leaned in and kissed her, catching her off guard.. She was hesitant at first, unresponsive. But after a second or two she kissed him back. She wrapped her hands around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair.

He moved his hands to her lower back. All he could think about was how that thin towel was the only thing between his hands and her bare skin.

All of the sudden, Rachel moved her hands to Finn's chest, and with a quick shove, pushed him off of her. She covered her mouth with her hand, and shook her her slowly. Holding onto her towel even tighter than before. "No . . no, Finn."

Finn stared at Rachel, confused. "But, Rach, I'm not with Quinn anymore."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "And you broke up with her, what, twenty minutes ago?" Finn sat there in silence. Rachel tucked her wet hair behind her ears. "Exactly. And I am not going to be some . . rebound."

"It's not like that, Rachel."

Rachel shook her head, starting to get angry. "Of course it is. You're not over Quinn. You're not even _remotely _over her. She hurt you, and you're trying to hurt her back by using me. God, Finn, I am _so _sick of you using me."

That last part was a low blow. Her words echoed in his head. _I am _so _sick of you using me. _What Quinn did to him really sucked, but he wasn't using Rachel. Not this time. "Rachel, I wouldn't do that to you. You know I always had feelings for you. But Quinn was pregnant, and I felt obligated -"

Rachel interrupted him, "I'm sorry, Finn. But do you think I just sit around waiting for you? I have plenty of suitors myself. I can't name any off the top of my head, but that's beside the point. The point is you needed a rebound, and you figured I'd fall for it because I'm head over heels in l - " She stopped herself.

"Head over heels in what?" Finn said smugly.

Rachel avoided eye contact. "Drop it, Finn."

"Head over heels in love with me?" He asked.

She shook her head and said nothing.

"Would . . " Finn started, "Would it make a difference if I said I loved you, too?"

Rachel jaw dropped. She gained composure after a few seconds. "Finn, I think you should leave."

"But, Ra - "

"Please. Just go, Finn."

Finn nodded, and stood up to leave. "I mean it, by the way," he said before walking out the front door.

As soon as Finn got in his car, he buried his face in his hands, and for the first time all day, he started to cry. Whatever it was that he did to deserve this Hell on Earth, it must have been really bad. Nobody should ever have to hurt the way that Finn Hudson was hurting.

* * *

_Note from the author - Thank you for reading. Sorry if the spacing is screwed up again I just can't seem to get it figured out. But be sure to review! Oh, and get ready for some QUICK next chapter. _


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